Feelings, a meaning!

I was once crying during one emotional crisis and all of the sudden I got really mad at myself for feeling the way I was feeling. "WHY ARE YOU ALLOWING YOURSELF TO FEEL THAT WAY?", "WHY ARE YOU SO WEAK AND SENSITIVE ?", "WHY CAN'T YOU BE STRONG?" WHY...WHY..WHY... 

Today I think about it with a smile on my face because I finally allowed myself to understand the fact that there is no BECAUSE to feelings. Feelings are felt, they are not chosen so I have no reason to feel guilty about it. I mean, how can you be mad or feel guilty about something that you have no control on?

- hello, how are you?

- doin great and you?

- (deep breath) uhhmm fine nau. Hope you're not busy tho

- na, I'm just on my bed scrolling on insta

- oh okay, enjoy oh

- yeahhh! wasup?

- nothing much, I just called cauz I miss you

- (silence)

-dont think too much about it, no pressure, no expectation I just wanted to talk to you

- I'm sorry

- lol, your reaction is so depressing. bossu abeg talk to me or should I comot from  your phone?

- no, no I'm cool

- then talk 

- how was your day?

- ihn, it was daily, like normal

laughing...

- ei that's another level of answer oh

- I swear, it shocked me sef. how was yours?

- the same wahala, going up and down

- I can see that, you look tired

- yeahh 

- have you eaten? please don't tell me bread and eggs

- haha, no I got some fufu on my way back with...

I hate you with all my love...